Victims are often the biggest bullies
Tuesday, January 27th, 2009Victims are often the biggest bullies. Media today equates bullies with sociopaths and psychotics. Bullying is not that simple. Bullying is often relative and is defined by the victim of the “bully”. If you are having a bad day and I mistake your attitude for anger, I would consider you a bully. “Stop being mean to me,” I would think to myself. And then later, I might tell my friends that you are such a bully. You were being mean to me all day. That is only one simple example of how a “bully” is created.
Izzy Kalman has made it his life goal to redefine the word Bully, so that the “bullies” are not blamed for the negative actions of their victims and so that “victims” are taught how to deal with their “bullies” – something many of us adults have to do on a daily basis. Its those “victims”, who have victim mentalities to justify their actions. The ultimate example is the columbine shooting. They were mistreated, so they felt justified in taking action against their “bullies”. Izzy Kalman wants to teach “victims”, how to take responsibility for their actions, as well.
In a bigger picture, this victim mentality helps us understand how Israel and Gaza both feel justified in their actions. “They are merely defending themselves from the bully.” And unfortunately, both sides have had rough histories which qualify them in their own minds as victims. Think of two children who have both been through a rough time. Which one deserves to be given the cookie? Its not a perfect analogy, because their is a lot more background to the middle east conflict. It simply shows us why both sides can’t see the other side and feel justified in their own actions.
I can never seem to explain this subject quite as well as the man who created it, Izzy Kalman.
Read Izzy’s Blog on Psychology Today: http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-bully-witch-hunt/200812/time-end-the-bully-witch-hunt
Visit Izzy’s website Bullies2Buddies: http://www.bullies2buddies.com/